Saturday, April 5, 2008

Stewage

It's amazing to me how quickly I forget, or worse dismiss, someones praise of my movie. Equally amazing is how I will set aside great chunks of many days to dwell on, meditate on, and memorize someones negative comments. This phenomenon I shall call "stewage". Stewage is the reason people don't write movies, don't attempt the great American novel, don't invent alternative energy sources, and don't cure aids. Is isn't that they can't, but they have convinced themselves they shouldn't try. To try would be to become vulnerable. To bare your dearest soul would risk letting someone crap on it. In fact, it would guarantee it. Stewage demands that any sensible person keep his sacred stuff to himself.

Yes, you're right. I did have someone else pan my movie. A friend. Seriously hurts. True, there were positive notes strewn here and there, but I don't remember them. What I do remember are the slanderous strokes with which he casually disemboweled my darling. He accused me of the very sins I vowed to set right if I ever made a movie, tossing me with a hyphenated adjective or two, into the stinking pile of fly-infested losers who should have never been allowed to purchase Final Draft. Okay, over statement. But I will tell you this, I'm in serious stewage. Every time I sit down to work on my new script, I reflect on his words. Ideas that would have been working their way down into the fertile part of my subconscious are being eaten by the ravenous birds of stewage. That's a stupid idea. That's a small story at best. No one will ever believe that. I can't make that work. I can't. I shouldn't. I quit. Stewage.

So, how to overcome stewage? I do know how. It's one of those things I know in my head, but I'm not sure if I can make my heart agree; the way smokers know cigarettes will kill them, but light another one anyway. But here's how to handle stewage. Remember when Peter went fishing after his miserable failure, the whole denial and rooster thing? Remember how he fished all night and didn't catch anything? Then Jesus shows up on the shore and says throw your nets on the other side. He didn't know it was Jesus, but he did it anyway, and it was a huge catch. See, Jesus can make all the fish swim around the nets, or he could make all the fish swim into the nets. He is God. He is the one who determines success and failure for every one of his kids. And the thing is, Peter didn't devote his life to fishing from that point on either. He devoted his life to the Lord of success and failure. So, here's how that all plays out. I shouldn't stew on what anybody says about my movie or anything I do - whether it's negative or positive - because I'm not doing the things I do for them, I'm doing them for the Lord of all, Jesus. And doing anything that way is going to be successful - by his standards, not mine. Peter ended up crucified upside down. A failure? No way. Not in God's eyes. Peter will enjoy the benefit of his efforts forever. So, the way to cure stewage is change my audience. Rather than trying to impress the market, or the industry, or even my friends, I should do what I do as unto the Lord, and leave the results with him. Hope I can do that. Hope you can too.

1 comment:

Starr said...

"...the way to cure stewage is change my audience..." This is my thought o' the day. (I'm Kelly's friend Starr by the way. Enjoy your blog!)